Goading Batman
by RangerKate
Summary: Stephanie and the girls come up with a plan to make Ranger jealous. But how wise is it to goad Batman? Warnings for adult themes.


**Disclaimer: As usual, all characters belong to JE, except for my own original inventions.**

**A/N: Just to let you know 'Needed' is complete. It was just a one-shot while I was backpacking. Something that came to me, I think due to loneliness. It doesn't matter what happened, it matters that they're together. Thank you to everyone who reviewed. Apologies that as I'm still travelling, I wasn't able to reply to them all.**

It was a quiet Spring day and Lula was in fine form in the Bonds Office, dressed in a yellow spandex halter top, three sizes too small, and a zebra print mini skirt. With no skips to catch, we were eating donuts from the Tasty Pastry and she was complaining about her lack of love-life.

"Damn, girl, if I don't get me some luvin' soon, I'm gunna forget where everything goes! It's spring time! The birds are gettin' it on, and the bees! Everybody's getting some but Lula. Connie's got her new man..."

She looked over at Connie who was seeing an accountant who had just moved to Trenton. She had just taken a bite of a Boston Crème and was daydreaming. I was 90% sure that that satisfied smile wasn't because of the donut.

"And you, girl, you've got Batman!"

I gave a non-committal grunt. Joe was out of the picture having moved to DC for a promotion, but things with Ranger weren't exactly heating up. Beyond the odd kiss in the alley, it was as if Joe had never left.

The grunt snapped Connie out of her daydream. "Wait, you and Ranger? You are together now, right?"

I was going to have to cover better than a grunt.

"Well, it's still casual. We see each other outside of work for Vinnie. In fact, I'm seeing him tomorrow night. At a trendy new club." There, that was only half a lie.

"Is it for a Rangeman distraction?" Connie had a nose for gossip and wasn't easy to fool.

"Yes," I mumbled.

Lula rolled her eyes. "Girl, that ain't a date. That's work. That don't count. You mean to say that Ranger still hasn't stepped up?!"

I gave another grunt.

"Humph. Well if it were me, I'd make him take notice. Nobody messes around with Lula. I don't put up with no time-wasters. You need to make him see what he's missin' and fast!"

Lula talked a good game, but I knew that if Ranger so much as glanced as her, she'd be putty in his hands. Still, it would be nice if Ranger did take an interest. Lula wasn't the only one who was worried about remembering where things went. "Got any ideas?"

Connie smiled. "What about a fake boyfriend? Someone to make him jealous?"

"Don't even need to be a boyfriend. He just needs to think he's got some competition," Lula replied.

"But I was with Joe and that never bothered him."

Lula snorted."Girl, Joe was a comfy old sweater you pull on. Ain't nobody get jealous of a sweater."

"She's right, Steph. You two were always back and forwards, but I don't think anyone except your mum thought you'd end up together. If you were going to, it would have happened ages ago."

Deep down I knew she was right. Joe and I could never stick it out for longer than a few months. Most of the time we were more friends with benefits than lovers. Joe was pizza, beer and TV. Ranger on the other hand was passion, lingerie and multiple orgasms. Being with Joe was comfortable but Joe wasn't a serious threat to Ranger. But if a new guy came on the scene…

I studied the two remaining donuts and went with the bear claw. "But who do we know that would be willing to pretend to hit on me?"

There was silence for a few minutes, then

"Oh!" Lula cried out. "I got it! Long John Silver!"

"Who?!" Connie and I asked at the same time.

"Long John! I know him from my hookin' days. He's called Long John because he's looong." She gestured with her hands. "And also sometimes he dresses as a pirate."

"But how will Ranger know he's long if he keeps his pants on?" asked Connie, puzzled. Personally, I was more worried about the possible pirate outfit.

Connie and I exchanged a sceptical glance, and I hoped that she would be able to come up with a better candidate.

"I think we need to get someone more professional looking for Steph. Someone in a suit. My cousin Marco's in town. He's Northern Italian, from my mother's side. He's a trader in New York. He's wealthy, funny and he scrubs up nicely. Here, let me pull up his Facebook profile."

Connie turned the screen towards Lula and I. At 6'2" with blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, washboard abs and a face that looked quick to smile, Marco looked pretty damn fine. I was wondering if there was a chance I would actually fall for him.

I chewed on my lower lip, "Would he do it, do you think?"

"Oh, absolutely. He owes me, since I covered for him at family Christmases when he was in college."

I looked at her curiously. In Connie's family, lying to outsiders was expected but lying to family members was a big deal. They were connected.

"I'd help deflect questions about his girlfriends and why he never brought them to dinner. Marco's gay," she explained.

Well, that meant that he wouldn't actually get between me and Ranger. Though with my track record, it didn't mean I wouldn't lust after him anyway. I tried to evaluate my feelings. Did I want to go through with this? It was risky, but I wanted to know if Ranger wanted me as badly as I wanted him. And I was getting tired of using my shower head.

"Could you ask him, Connie?"

"Sure, I'll get it set up so he can bump into you tomorrow night while you're on that distraction. I'll go call him now."

Connie went off to make the call, and Lula was off texting Long John to arrange to meet up with him. That just left me staring at the empty donut box and wondering how smart it was to goad Batman.


End file.
